I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
