He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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