You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
