I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
