Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
