I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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