I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If I die, sorry about rent.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
