Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
