Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
