oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So many bounce houses so little time
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
