A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
