I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
