and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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