It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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