dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
