But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
