do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
