It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
