i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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