the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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