what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Naked. naked and bneed help.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
