the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
