and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
