Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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