Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
