I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
