I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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