I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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