his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
