I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
