I want to make a zoo with you.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
