Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
