just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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