yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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