i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
