where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
