She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I AM VODKA MAN
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
