Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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