I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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