He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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