i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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