no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
