Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
