Cold hands, warm shart.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
