I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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