pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
