She's JV to your varsity
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
being pregnant is like rehab
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
