I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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