So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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