i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
