i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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